Taken 2 - My Guess

Have you seen Taken? If you answered "yes", pat yourself on the back. If you answered "no", go run into a wall. Then watch the movie. Then pat yourself on the back.

Now that we got the hard part taken care of, I can proceed to elaborate on a few points about the movie that might give you a better understanding of what happened and what will happen in the coming sequel.

Why is Liam Neeson such a boss?

Being a retired CIA agent is definitely a part of the reason, but that's only a piece of the puzzle. In reality, he's the badass that he is because he's also a retired Jedi. Maybe you've seen him somewhere.

That's right. He's none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. When you're a Jedi, you just do whatever you want, whenever you want. All the stupid stuff that happened in The Phantom Menace is a lie. He didn't actually die to some stupid clown. As a matter of fact, what really happened was that he killed Darth Maul before the movie even began and disguised himself as the Sith, while simultaneously projecting an image of his real self into the minds of everyone in the movie using Jedi mind tricks. After realizing this silly prequel trilogy was going nowhere fast, he decided to kill his own image and pretend to be sliced in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi, thus allowing him a prompt exit from the series without anyone ever knowing how awesome he was. Qui-Gon Jinn? More like Qui-Gon Win.

What does this mean for the events that took place in Taken?

To put it simply, his daughter was kidnapped on his orders. That's right. But why did he do it?

- The Daughter

Clearly, the rich bastard that his ex-wife remarried to spoiled his daughter senseless. Qui-Gon Jinn will not suffer a spoiled brat. Fuck ponies.

- The Ex-Wife

Did she not exude an air of bitchy from the very first moment she got screen time? Maybe she forgot that Jedi and sassy attitude don't mix very well. A reminder was in order. 

- Nostalgia

Gone are the days where he can just run round effortlessly halving people with a lightsaber. That doesn't mean he can't relive the good ol' days every now and then. He needed an excuse to kill people. His wish is his command.

What does this mean for Taken 2?
Apparently, this time his ex-wife gets kidnapped by men who lost their friends/family from the previous incidence and from the looks of the trailer, the daughter is going to help him save Sassy McSasserson (the ex-wife) from their clutches. We all know Jedi don't actually let kidnappings happen in their presence unless it was warranted. Based on that fact, we could accurately posit that this is all just an elaborate birthday present for his daughter so she could have the opportunity to feel even a tenth as badass as he did being the man-hunting killing machine that he is. When it comes to birthday presents, Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't fuck around. She'll be running around acting like Sherlock Holmes and by the end, it's going to be like, "SURPRISE! YOU DIDN'T SAVE SHIT! IT WAS A GIANT EASTER EGG HUNT FOR SOME CAKE! COME HAVE SOME CAKE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"



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