Diablo 3 - I Wish...

I wish...

... there weren't stupid affixes on Elites that are neither challenging nor fun to fight against like Shielding, Invulnerable Minions, and Reflects Damage.

... summoned minions and Followers weren't so useless.

... we had a horde mode, unlocked only after killing Inferno Diablo, where you battle wave after wave of Elites that progressively increase in difficulty, awarding greater prizes the further we go until our eventual demise.

... item progression wasn't completely random and that upgrading an existing mid-range item into a high-end one was possible through a gradual process with new end-game materials that can only be salvaged from ilvl 63 items.

... hitboxes were accurate.

... the range on a lot of abilities were longer.

... Whimsyshire wasn't purely for novelty.

The list goes on...

Don't get me wrong, Diablo 3 was a lot of fun in some ways. I leveled every class to 60 and poured over 400 hours into the game, the majority of which was the intial, frustrating, under-geared farming of Act 3 Inferno. My biggest problem is simply that I can't utilize a spell of my liking because it isn't viable for Inferno (the only difficulty that matters to me). I'd like to Disintegrate or Arcane Torrent things into oblivion but channeling a spell requires you to be stationary and staying still even for a brief moment as a ranged class usually means death. I want to run around and tear shit up with my Gargantuan and Zombie Dogs but they die in 2 seconds with a cooldown of 60 seconds. I want to make a Mantra Monk equivalent to Diablo 2's Auradin but there's only one Mantra that even has a passive damage component to it.

There's just so many viable builds that were possible for each class in Diablo 2. That lack of variety in Diablo 3 is ultimately boring the shit out of me. The only saving grace the game has right now is that it will eventually be patched into the amazing sequel that it should have been on launch. That means the long wait isn't really over. I can understand a game of this caliber being made in 3-4 years from a company that doesn't have a vast amount of resources at its disposal. But we ARE talking about Blizzard and we ARE talking about 10 years.

I own:
Starcraft
Starcraft: Brood War
Starcraft 2: Wings of Liberty
Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos
Warcraft 3: Frozen Throne
World of Warcraft and it's three expansions:
- Burning Crusade
- Wrath of the Lich King
- Cataclysm
Diablo 2
Diablo 2: Lord of Destruction
Diablo 3

One could only guess that I am quite the Blizzard fan. I always held them in high regard as a company that placed value on their fans before anything else. I always told the naysayers that Blizzard won't disappoint us. But with Diablo 3, I'm actually starting to have doubts. I'm actually beginning to think that maybe Activision is indeed working its ugly magic on the company I loved for a very long time. Maybe that's just crazy talk. Or maybe I'm just crazy to begin with. But damn, I hope I'm wrong.

I wish... I wasn't bored of a game I waited over 10 years for in about 2 months.

‹^› (': ' ) ‹^›

Taken 2 - My Guess

Have you seen Taken? If you answered "yes", pat yourself on the back. If you answered "no", go run into a wall. Then watch the movie. Then pat yourself on the back.

Now that we got the hard part taken care of, I can proceed to elaborate on a few points about the movie that might give you a better understanding of what happened and what will happen in the coming sequel.

Why is Liam Neeson such a boss?

Being a retired CIA agent is definitely a part of the reason, but that's only a piece of the puzzle. In reality, he's the badass that he is because he's also a retired Jedi. Maybe you've seen him somewhere.

That's right. He's none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. When you're a Jedi, you just do whatever you want, whenever you want. All the stupid stuff that happened in The Phantom Menace is a lie. He didn't actually die to some stupid clown. As a matter of fact, what really happened was that he killed Darth Maul before the movie even began and disguised himself as the Sith, while simultaneously projecting an image of his real self into the minds of everyone in the movie using Jedi mind tricks. After realizing this silly prequel trilogy was going nowhere fast, he decided to kill his own image and pretend to be sliced in half by Obi-Wan Kenobi, thus allowing him a prompt exit from the series without anyone ever knowing how awesome he was. Qui-Gon Jinn? More like Qui-Gon Win.

What does this mean for the events that took place in Taken?

To put it simply, his daughter was kidnapped on his orders. That's right. But why did he do it?

- The Daughter

Clearly, the rich bastard that his ex-wife remarried to spoiled his daughter senseless. Qui-Gon Jinn will not suffer a spoiled brat. Fuck ponies.

- The Ex-Wife

Did she not exude an air of bitchy from the very first moment she got screen time? Maybe she forgot that Jedi and sassy attitude don't mix very well. A reminder was in order. 

- Nostalgia

Gone are the days where he can just run round effortlessly halving people with a lightsaber. That doesn't mean he can't relive the good ol' days every now and then. He needed an excuse to kill people. His wish is his command.

What does this mean for Taken 2?
Apparently, this time his ex-wife gets kidnapped by men who lost their friends/family from the previous incidence and from the looks of the trailer, the daughter is going to help him save Sassy McSasserson (the ex-wife) from their clutches. We all know Jedi don't actually let kidnappings happen in their presence unless it was warranted. Based on that fact, we could accurately posit that this is all just an elaborate birthday present for his daughter so she could have the opportunity to feel even a tenth as badass as he did being the man-hunting killing machine that he is. When it comes to birthday presents, Qui-Gon Jinn doesn't fuck around. She'll be running around acting like Sherlock Holmes and by the end, it's going to be like, "SURPRISE! YOU DIDN'T SAVE SHIT! IT WAS A GIANT EASTER EGG HUNT FOR SOME CAKE! COME HAVE SOME CAKE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"



‹^› (': ' ) ‹^›

P'hall - The Hottest Thing I Ever Ate

I'm not sure of the actual spelling of this curry, whether it's "phall", "phaal", "phal", or whatever but what I do know for sure is that it is the hottest thing I've ever ate (so far, anyway). Many of you have probably seen this dish conquered on the show Man vs Food and might be thinking of putting your capsaicin tolerance to the test. Well, as someone who has completed the challenge, I will generously share my experience along with a few tips on how to make this suicide run for your taste buds a bit less excruciating.



I love spicy food. I mean, you know you really love spicy food when you use Sriracha to protect your meal from the gluttonous mouths of your friends and family. I observe this adoration of spicy cuisine almost as a mutation of sorts, kinda like those of the X-Men, that separates us, the chili pepper enthusiasts, from normal human beings. Then again, perhaps we are the ones who are normal and they are mere Neanderthals to our Cro-Magnon. There is a war coming. Are you sure you're on the right side?

But therein lies the tragedy of wielding such power. The truth is, being able to consume spicy food gradually makes you more tolerant to it. Eventually, the spicy things of yesterday may not help you reach that awesome zen-like state between pleasure and pain for your senses tomorrow.

This puts us on an endless search for increasingly spicier foods. And sometimes we grow a bit too bold and jump to a level we can't handle. I was well aware of how hot the Naga Bhut Jolokia (also known as the ghost chili pepper) is, as I've been regularly using a hot sauce made from it. But there is obviously a difference between dripping a few drops onto a sandwich and consuming an entire bowl of it, which is essentially what P'hall is.

So back in January of 2012, my friend, who also loves spicy food, randomly calls me out to eat at Brick Lane Curry House, the only place we know of that serves P'hall. He wanted to take on the challenge with me, as it was something we were looking forward to face for quite some time. Spicy food and beer is always a good time, especially if the beer is free. Unfortunately, this particular spot did not have a liquor license so we wouldn't be awarded a free beer upon completion of the challenge. Instead, we'd be getting a free mango lassi, which is probably the better drink to down after eating something as spicy as P'hall.

Now, here's the part where I list the stupid mistakes I made and what you should do to make this challenge a little easier.

1. Go hungry.
I ate a lot of appetizers prior to tackling the actual P'hall. The show says it's 16 ounces of the stuff. We got 20 ounces each. Along with the rice you'll probably be using to dissipate the curry into manageable bites and whatever liquid you'll be drinking to help quell the heat, you'll be very full, very quickly. Keep your stomach empty before you start.

2. Order a mango lassi (or any drink with dairy in it) with your P'hall.
I only had water and it did little to nothing to control the nuclear meltdown taking place in my mouth. What it did do, however, was help it go down my gullet. I think having something that will not only wash the inferno down but also ease the pain would be greatly advantageous to your efforts.

3. Be ready to throw $20 away.
Depending on the meat you order with the curry, you're going to spend around $20 on just the P'hall itself. The friend who invited me to the challenge took 3-5 bites and surrendered. That's a lot to waste. Even if you do manage to finish it, I highly doubt you'll enjoy it. I've read on a few forums that some people actually enjoy P'hall. Can't say I'm one of them. Just be sure you know what you're buying.

4. Do not touch anything sensitive if you got P'hall on your hands.
Wash your hands thoroughly even before using the bathroom. Trust me. You don't want any of this stuff going near your genitalia.

5. Make sure you don't have anything important to do the next day.
The company I work at is pretty lenient with me taking off. Good thing, too, because it hurts as much coming out as it does going in.

That's about all the advice I can give you. Unfortunately, I was so full by the time I finished the challenge that I couldn't even drink the free mango lassi I won. I gave that away to my friend. But to his credit, he paid for my meal since I was triumphant. Did I mention I vomited shortly afterwards? And on that note, good luck!

‹^› (': ' ) ‹^›

This Blog Will Be The Shit

Inaugural posts tend to say a lot of boring things like how humble the beginnings of a recently hatched blog will be and how hard the poster will work to make whatever they write worth a couple minutes of your time. Well, fuck that. I'm telling you right now this blog is going to be THE SHIT and I'll give you 3 reasons why it will be.

1. I am incredibly smart.
I know the difference between "there", "their", and "they're". This automatically makes me a genius on the internet because 95% of the people who write on the web don't know the difference or worse, don't care enough to make the distinction.

- This means some of my writing might be insightful to you.

2. I am incredibly stupid.
In 2009, I was working as a Production Assistant for two weeks on the set of my friend's thesis film. On the last day, while driving one of the actors up from New York City to the Catskill Mountains, I got a speeding ticket since I was in a rush for daylight shooting. About an hour later, I was pulled over again. Guess what it was for.

- This means some of my writing might be funny to you.

3. You are incredibly bored.
Let's face it. You are all bored as hell. That is the reason why I think the internet is the monstrous success that it is today. A little over a decade ago, whenever you were bored, you might have turned to the TV to watch a show or put a movie on. You might have turned to the stereo to tune in on the radio or play some albums. You might have even went outside to partake in some sort of physical activity with your friends (something that is probably missing in a lot of our lives now). Well, now you have an enormous bulk of entertainment ready at a moment's notice in one convenient place: at your personal computer in your room.

- This means most of my writing might be worth the extra five minutes you spend visiting other sites to kill time.

So stick around as I will try to update every week or two. I guarantee you'll find at least one thing worth reading here before the year's end. And if that's not the case, oh well. I'll just keep writing anyway.

‹^› (': ' ) ‹^›